It’s no secret to some who do read my blog that I’ve been looking for another job for several months. I haven’t had any luck and the interview requests have been minimal. But I’ve recently been getting a few requests here and there.

I live in Miami, where a one-bedroom apartment in August is $2,077 and a median two-bedroom home will cost you $429,900. The average price of regular gas is at $3.40 and a loaf of bread has gone from about $2.95 to well above $4.85 and climbing.

I live in a small apartment, more of a studio, no bigger than a regular bedroom. I have no stove only a small area with a sink and some cabinets. I have a microwave and air-fryer and also small apartment style fridge that I purchased myself. I pay $800 a month which in my area is VERY cheap. A studio of the same size as mine can go for anywhere between $1,200 and $1,600 a month!

I woke up today and was offered an interview for a county position where the salary range was min $36,190 to max $67,141. I was told that the salary was to start at $36,190 and it was non-negotiable. I have 25 years of experience in Office work. I have been an Office Manager and a Administrative Services Coordinator for 10 years and 8 of those to an Associate Dean of a top ranking university. I find it absolutely insulting that with the experience I bring to the table to be told that I am only worth an entry level salary.

Let me tell you what the duties are but take into consideration that some of these are repeated. Still it’s quite a wish list for the amount of non-negotiable pay. These are from their site:

Duties:

It’s the absolute greed and lack of awareness of the situation surrounding all of us. This is a city job where those that are in higher positions in this city have created a living situation that on a daily basis affects it’s citizens in a negative way.

It’s easy to say, well, just move then. Sure, with what? You need money to move to another city or state. When you are being paid just enough to keep you from actually being at the poverty level you really have little choice. They pay you just enough to pay for a small roof over your head, just enough to keep from going too hungry, just enough to drive yourself to work if you are lucky enough to have a car and they pay you just enough to keep afloat. And when you try to improve your situation you stand at a road block where all you are being offered is even less than what you are trying to move forward from.

I just don’t see an end to this, just more of the same.

I’ve been using this for a little over a month now and if you have frizzy hair I HIGHLY recommend using a satin pillowcase. I’ve noticed a really big change in my hair from sleeping on this. I was using a sleeping bonnet but it kept falling off in the middle of the night. If you’ve ever used a bonnet you know that the point of it is to keep your hair free from frizz and breakage. The inside of bonnets are satin, so using a satin pillowcase gives you the same result without feeling constricted.

https://amzn.to/3K67vC5

Okay, so if you have been reading my blog in the past several months that I’ve been posting regularly you will know that I HATE my current job. Really, DESPISE is a better word, but anyway, I hate my job. And lately, my misery is creeping into my dreams.

Last night I, as usual, had this really strange dream. I was in some large room, like a cafeteria-type area, and I was just sitting at a table minding my own business when someone came up to me and handed me a folder. I looked up at the person and they said, “I didn’t know you requested a transfer.”

Eh? It was a surprise to me but I grabbed the folder and opened it and sure enough, there was a note with the name of someone saying I had a meeting at 6:00pm. I found that odd because that’s pretty late to speak with someone at work, but it’s a dream, it’s not supposed to go by non-dream rules.

I was pretty happy at my current place of employment for a long time. But then, the dean of the college was asked to um, retire. Then the new regime came in and my boss saw the writing on the wall and decided to step down from her position. That was it for me. Once she stepped down the powers that be took it upon themselves to shoehorn me into another position I didn’t want. Ever since then, it’s just been an anxiety-inducing roller-coaster ride.

It’s been little things in my dreams that further solidifies my belief that, I am totally miserable in my current job and I can’t wait to be completely gone!

I’m tired. Yup, nothing new really since I’m always tired. Lately though, I’ve really been struggling. My fibromyalgia has been really flaring up lately and I’m kind of a mess. All I want to do is just be at home in my jammies, sitting on my bed with my furrybutts. When this happens my brain gets a little foggy too and it’s hard to concentrate. And I’m achy and in pain all the time. I wish I could take FMLA again, no, what I really wish is I was independently wealthy and didn’t have to deal with…people.

I’m trying to just keep myself busy. I’m still applying for other jobs because I don’t want to be here anymore. I am still angry I was reassigned to another department and try as I have, I still don’t like working in this department. I hate the work assigned to me. I never wanted to work with students, which is why I have always been in Administrative support! But now, Ugh, I have to work with students and you know what? I despise it. I’m hopeful that there is something for me out there, but damn I really wish I could find it already.

I know there’s a lesson here, but fuck it all if I know what it is. I just know that I’m ready for my life to not suck so much. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. Come on universe, get me to the good stuff already. I’ll be good, I promise!

For a while now I’ve really been looking into those mystery-solving kits. You know, the ones where you get this package and it has all of the evidence and notes so that you can solve a mystery? Well, I’ve gone and done it, I ordered one! WooHoo! I’m hoping to get it soon because I’m itching to solve a crime!

Here’s the one I ordered: https://mysteriouspackage.com/products/best-served-cold

Since I’m back in therapy, my wonderful therapist suggested I get back into some old and new hobbies to get my mind off of how utterly miserable I’ve been. A good idea actually, and since I love watching crime shows I thought this might be fun. I may suck at solving crimes, but you never know, I may wind up being like Jessica Fletcher! If you get that reference you may enjoy solving one of these mystery kits too!

As my disdain for my current job inches further and further up that steep hill, I’m actually enjoying my day today. It’s spring break here at the university and there’s not much going on. Add to that my cunty co-worker is working remotely today and it’s a total win for me. I can only hope that she, like many others around here, decides to work remotely for the rest of the week and I won’t have to suffer from her off-putting personality and get a break. Seriously, this woman has the personality of a blank piece of paper.

Have you ever felt like you’re about to snap at any moment? Well, I have and I did, to a degree. 2023 was a crazy year at work. Around February of 2023, we all had been hearing rumblings of an impending termination. As March came along we found out that the dean of our college was politely asked to take a sabbatical and then quietly retire. Some of us figured out what it was all about since she’d been seen and heard badmouthing the university at conferences. As you can imagine, the higher-ups didn’t take kindly and after, what I imagine to have been a stern talking-to, the announcement was made and she was gone by the end of March.

April was met with speculation and rumors as to who would be the interim dean and my supervisor was one of those being considered. The problem was, that she didn’t want the position. We both knew that the college was in a state of chaos as it was and there was such a mess with every department that anyone taking over as dean would likely wind up on medication within a year. When asked, my supervisor politely turned the offer down. Unfortunately, the person chosen has made an even worse mess for someone else to clean up. Shortly before the end of April, my supervisor stepped down from her position which left me with no supervisor and nobody to take her place. 

After three months of wondering what they were going to do with me, I was finally asked to meet with the acting dean and the interim associate dean of our college HR. Now, these two fuckers basically ambushed me into a same-day meeting allowing me no time to prepare, and didn’t ask my supervisor to be included. Even though she had stepped down, she was still my supervisor. I attended the meeting and was told I would be reassigned to another department and be performing different duties. Mind you, this is a position that I would never apply to since it is a job I have ZERO interest in. I’ve been an administrative support person practically my entire career and now I’m being shoehorned into a job I don’t even want.

I started my new position in August, it was okay, not great but it was somewhat tolerable until the other office person, let’s call her Satan, started treating me like her subordinate when it was made clear to me when being told of my move that we would be equals. Then I found out that my duties were misrepresented and I am basically now her assistant. Like what the fuck? So yes, I was lied to. Now, I had begun therapy again during the summer, but as things got worse and I began to fully realize the utter deceit that had been perpetrated, I felt my mental stability slowly eroding into daily anxiety attacks as I wondered daily what fresh hell awaited me at work. I cried when I woke up to go to work, I cried as I drove to work, I cried at work, I cried on my way home, and I ugly cried the night before I went to work. So basically, I cried a lot. I finally snapped one day after Satan got nasty with me telling me that answering the phones was MY responsibility, but up to this point my actual new supervisor hadn’t even sat down with me to tell me what these responsibilities were!

That day, I just walked out and immediately called my doctor. I decided I needed time off for my own sanity. Thankfully, with her help we got my FMLA paperwork filled out and I was able to take a little over a month and a half off. During this time I spoke to my therapist several times as well as had my psychiatrist help me figure out if I needed new meds. That helped. But, do you know what is really helping? Finally realizing that there is nothing for me here. I’ve given all that I have been allowed to give here and while I was out began a job search at another university. Knowing that I’ll be out of this place has given me the motivation to apply, apply, and apply to every job that interests me. I’m kicking myself for waiting as long as I had to realize that there is nothing more for me here and applying elsewhere.

I have applied to several jobs at my current university, about 25, and have had no interest shown. At the university I will soon work at, I have already had several interviews and had more interest shown than I have ever had in my current workplace.

Here I am then, desperately hanging on to my psyche until I am out of this hellhole.

As hard as I have tried, I am not one of those people who posts on a regular basis. I’m not even going to try anymore; it will either happen or not.

I’m posting today because today is just a particularly bad day. Nothing happened really, and I’ve been in this funk for a while, but I felt the need to just make this post and get this out there. Maybe secretly hoping that it will in some way help.

There have been so many changes in my life lately, beginning with work. I work at a state university, in their college of nursing. At the beginning of 2023 there were rumblings that our dean was thinking of retiring. Certain things happened, mainly due to her behavior, and she was politely asked to take some time off and then retire. That all led to more talk about who would be her temporary replacement and my boss was a front-runner. But my boss has been treated really badly by the upper administration of the college and not so great by some of the university’s upper administration, so she politely declined. Honestly, this place was a mess and I don’t blame her for not wanting to be the one to clean it up. Around April we found out that it was decided by the University Administration that her department was not really necessary, and she stepped down. That led my coworker and I to wonder where that left us. Of course, we were both assured that nothing would change with us, but I’ve been around long enough to know what an empty promise looks like.

I started applying for jobs, and my coworker decided to try and stick it out to see what happened. One day, he came to me and said he’d found another job. One of those, “I wasn’t looking but saw this and applied” type things and low and behold, he was hired. He left for a better-paying job with a better future for a private employer. Me, still applying. I’m up to 23 jobs and not one of them has requested an interview. All of my applications are within the university and I’m wary of leaving because I’m already vested in the pension and honestly, my insurance is really good. Those two points really kind of limit me but I figure, I do still have a job. I’m still working in the same college, but they moved me to another department. They didn’t have space to put me with the other coordinator so one of the faculty who works remotely right now offered me her office. But, I have been told that as of December I’ll be moving to sit with the other coordinator, who by the way, I DO NOT LIKE. I also just don’t feel like I have found my place here, I’m just not happy.

On the home front, I find out I have to move AGAIN. I don’t make enough to rent an apartment, the rental market here where I live is ridiculous and all I can afford is to live in a converted master bedroom. I have my own entrance, a fridge, a bathroom, two bathroom sinks and that’s it. It’s a bedroom after all. My landlady’s father lives with her and his health is pretty bad, he can barely walk. So about a month ago, she told me she needed to have the room I live in back, and if I wanted I could live in the small studio she was redoing in the back of the house. It’s totally apart from the house which is great, but smaller and she’s raising my rent. Lovely.

I’ve spent the last few weeks just packing and throwing away things. Yet again, I am having to throw away half of my belongings to fit into a smaller place. There are days I wish I could just disappear and never look back. Just start over somewhere else or move to some other country and find a small hut somewhere and just forget. But, then I think, who will take care of my cats, my dad is up there in age and I leaving it all would just devastate him.

So I stay and right now I’m just existing. I’m just in stasis walking toward something I will never reach.